从《剑桥雅思》官方评语看雅思写作6分段和7分段的差异
Test 3
Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
6分作文
In my opinion I think every subjects is important for us. We have to learn everything through our past, present and future. Some people say that History is one of the most important school subjects it’s true but it has to go along with today’s world which is science and Technology. How can we move without our history, the people behind us “The ancient people” is the most powerful people who pushes us to move forward. The taught us how to fire a light, How to find a food, How to lives with other and animals, How to survive and others. Of course we wouldn’t know that without them. Science and Technology are important too. They give us a chance to move forward with them. Without Science and Technology we’re just a normally humans being. We spend our daily life with no useful. Without them we have no light we have no food, we have no comfortable stuff and things. Old people can survived without these things. Humans creates lots of invention to give an unlimited wants of people based on a limited government.
May I gives one example of the development of science and Technology. With this two things it give us a chance to be a member of ASEAN “Association of South East Asia Nation” we can be able to communicate with the other 9 countries with the high technology. It help us to be a TEAMWORK with the 9 other countries to develop our country. Help us in terms of transportation, communication, collaboration etc. It can definitely hold on to that hope that in the near future.
Overall economics can totally achieves. It is a fact that the member of the member of the ASEAN have differences in terms of political standing, culture and traditions but it’s not a problem with our help I know that there’re a bright future are waiting for all of us. And that is a reason why History, Science and Technology is important.
We use history to learn about others, their culture, their tradition to be understand each other more and more and using science and Technology to help us, our country, our world to be moving forward, to help each other and to give a bright chances and future for everyone, especially kids give a chances to them to study, to go to school, to get knowledge so the next ten years, twenty years to the new up coming year all of them can help each other to pass these chances to other kids go on and on.
(443 words)
官方评语
The writer addresses all parts of the prompt and outlines why the various subjects are all important, supporting these ideas with relevant examples. Although the organisation is sometimes confused, there is a sense of progression and a definite conclusion is reached. Cohesive devices are used effectively [in my opinion / of course / especially]. referencing is generally accurate [we wouldn’t know that without them / these things]. The range of vocabulary is quite varied [go along with today’s world / to move forward / daily life / transportation, communication, collaboration etc. / political standing, culture and traditions], though errors occur [every subjects / normally human beings / a bright chances], while a reference to [stuff and things] suggests the writer struggled to find more precise terms. There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, including different types of subordinate clauses [some people say that... /...which is science and technology / ...people who pushes us to / they taught us how to ] and although errors occur, these do not usually cause misunderstanding or difficulty for the reader. Punctuation is sometimes faulty, particularly omission of full stops.
老雅对官方评语的理解和注解
切题。考生全面回答了问题，大致列举了(outline)为什么所有科目都重要的原因，并用相关例证进行了论证。
老雅注：全面回答问题是6分作文必须的，题目问题没弄清楚，或者回答不完整，6分的可能性就没有了，至于回答得好不好，那是另外一回事。
虽然结构不太清晰，但还是体现了一定逻辑顺序，并有一个鲜明的结论。
老雅注：基本体现出逻辑顺序，即先写什么，后写什么，这是6分的基本要求。如果一团混乱，前后颠倒，看不出作者的写作思路，6分就没有了。结论必须明确，不要前后矛盾。
有效使用了衔接手段[in my opinion / of course / especially]，指称代词基本清楚[we wouldn’t know that without them / these things]。
老雅注：衔接关系，包括因果、条件、递进、转折等，都有相应的词组或词汇来表达，6分作文需要基本正确使用这些衔接手段，确保句子和句子之间有联系，避免前言不搭后语。
词汇比较丰富[go along with today’s world / to move forward / daily life / transportation, communication, collaboration etc. / political standing, culture and traditions]，但错误不少 [every subjects / normally human beings / a bright chances]。
老雅注：6分作文也需要体现一定的与主题相关的词汇量。
能够混合使用简单句和复杂句，使用了不同类型的从属句 [some people say that... /...which is science and technology / ...people who pushes us to / they taught us how to ]，尽管有不少错误，但一般并未造成误解或理解困难。
老雅注：6分作文需要使用2-3个复杂句(或主从复合句)，允许出现少量错误(但不能影响读者对句子意思的理解)。
标点符号时有错误，尤其是很多地方没有句号。
老雅注：标点符号要避免一逗到底，也要避免没有句号。雅思作文中评分标准中对标点符号使用其实是比较严格的。请大家一定要注意，尤其是受汉语影响，我们很多学生喜欢在英语写作中大量使用逗号。
Test 2
Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
7分作文
The answer is complex since there are a lot of choices in our life and all of them are different kinds. In some cases I would say that it is a good thing to have the ability to choose from a wide variety. Take for example gastronomy. Every single person has different meals on their list of favourites. Actually if you have a bigger family it is almost impossible to cook something that everyone would like. Therefore I would say that it is great that you can go to a shopping center and choose from a dozen different food types. I can always find something that looks delicious.
Naturally, there are some people who say that it is against evolution. They claim to say that back in the old days we had a perfect life when technically everybody was farming. I personally disagree with that. I am happy that I could choose a job that fits best to my abilities. I mean no one is the same, why would we want to do the same? Different kinds of universities give us the opportunity to become who we are meant to be. We have the right to choose.
However there is on topic where, according to my opinion, we have too many choices. This specific area is television. There are hundreds of channels, therefore you can always find something that is worth watching. Literally you could sit in your sofa the whole day and watch films. I think that people doing less outdoor activities are the results of the many available channels. From this point of view I would agree that we have too many choices.
In conclusion I would say that we can’t generally talk about choices since they could be different. In some cases it is good to have many of them while in other areas they could have a negative effect.
(315 words)
官方评语
The candidate explains why s/he both agrees and disagrees with the statement, meeting the requirements of “To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?” S/he singles out two areas of disagreement (food and jobs) and provides clear examples to support these opinions, then goes on to identify an area of agreement (TV channels), again providing support and then some development of the example organisation is logical and there is clear progression throughout the writing. There is a range of cohesive devices, used appropriately [take for example / actually / therefore / naturally / however / this specific area / from this point of view / in conclusion]. The range of vocabulary is sufficient to show some flexibility and precision, as well as less common items and an awareness of style and collocation [complex / list of favourites / fits...my ability / specific area / many available channels]. there is only one spelling error [beome], probably a slip of the pen. Control over grammar and punctuation is generally good and there is a variety of complex structures with frequent error-free sentences.
老雅对官方评语的理解和注解
切题。考生解释了为什么既同意又不同意“我们的选择太多了”这句话，指出了不同意的两个领域，即食品和工作，并提出了明确的例证来支持观点，然后指出了同意的一个领域，即电视频道，同样有论证。
老雅注：7分作文必须切题，而且要有明确的论证思路，非常相关的例证。
结构有逻辑性，有明确的先后顺序。
老雅注：7分作文结构要清晰，先后安排顺序得当。只有观点却没有体现出观点的先后逻辑顺序是不可以的。
衔接手段丰富，而且使用得当[take for example / actually / therefore / naturally / however / this specific area / from this point of view / in conclusion]
老雅注：7分作文要确保句子之间的紧密联系，要有丰富且使用恰当的衔接手段，基本不能出现误用。这样句子之间读起来才有逻辑关系。
词汇丰富，显示出一定的准确性和灵活度，有较少的套语(less common items)，有文体意识(formal style)，搭配不错[complex / list of favourites / fits...my ability / specific area / many available channels]。
老雅注：7分作文对词汇使用的要求是要准确和灵活，不要用陈词滥调，比如universally acknowledged; there is no denying that...; a coin has two sides之类，而是要体现出新鲜感。文体比较正规，不出现过于口语的表达。
语法和标点符号总体不错，复杂句多样，多数句子都没有错误。
老雅注：7分作文不可以在标点符号上犯错误，需要用多样的句式而且使用正确。
6分、7分对比
审题与结构：都需要切题，都需要完整回答问题。6分要求论证基本清楚，有一定逻辑顺序，7分要求论证很清楚，并体现出明确的逻辑顺序。
句与句之间的衔接：都要求使用衔接手段，但6分允许有使用不太恰当的情况(但不能让人看不懂)，7分则要求手段多样，而且使用准确。
词汇使用：均要求一定词汇量，但6分要求足够表达思想即可，且允许一定量的错误(但不能让人看不懂)，7分则要求灵活、多样且具有个性。
句法结构：均要求使用一定量的复杂句，但6分可以犯错误(但不能让人看不懂)，7分则要求多样而正确，少错误(甚至无错误)。
标点符号：6分允许犯错，7分则需要杜绝此类错误。
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