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| 标题 | 3分钟学会一个雅思7分句（第80期） |
| 内容 | Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both views and give your opinion. 应对上面这个题目，学生在正文写了如下一句话： For example, a student who study abroad should use a foreign language in a lot of aspects as he or she is involved in a specific environment. He or she need to use the foreign language to write papers, discuss professional questions with tutors or classmates, take part in social activities and so on. 我们首先会关注到以下这些问题： * 举例冗长，足足花了约60个单词，结果就是，段落重心偏移至这个“小故事”上，而不是例子前的分论点，例子就失去了它作为论证证据的作用； * 措辞口语化，选词随意； * 表述模糊，包括a lot of aspects, a specific environment等。 教师修改后如下： New language sets up children for their future academic study. Acquiring English, a global language, for example, enables them to continue tertiary education as it has become the major language of monographs and academic forum. 解析： * 信息浓缩，丰富语义，让例子核心信息成为句子的主干：acquiring English enables them to continue tertiary education，这样语义丰富的一个长句子印证前面的观点； * 信息浓缩，“写论文、和导师讨论专业问题、参加社会活动”等一系列流水账式的内容，改写为“English has become the major language of monograph and academic forum”; * 选词，词汇的选取要避免口语化，词义要； * set up for 为…作准备 * acquire习得 * enable 使能够 * tertiary education 大学教育 * monograph 专著 * academic forum 学术讲座 |
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